Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Welcome to Sam's World

Welcome to my Blog!  For the duration of my hospital stay, this will be a  place for me to share my uncensored stories of what life is like on complete hospital bed rest until my baby is fully cooked.  

For now, if my baby were to be removed from my oven, he would be served to the world on a premature platter.   I am sure that you can all relate to that feeling, when you first cut into what would have been a perfectly good piece of chicken, only to discover that you didn't quite cook it long enough.  The skin isn't yet crispy, the marinade didn't have time to absorb, traces of the flesh are still pink... And, this is no ordinary, fast food, Kentucky fried piece of meat, but a high quality, organic, farm-raised, grade A piece of chicken that you probably bought at a fancy grocery chain like Whole Foods market.  You invested your time, money, and have the highest of expectations that your chicken will emerge from the oven in mouth-watering condition.  Although you most likely cooked it long enough to avoid food poisoning, you are taking a gamble with each bite you take...

This is how my baby would be if he were to be born right now.  For that reason, and that reason alone, I am strapped to a hospital bed keeping my legs tightly closed.  Hoping to make it through each and every day gives me more confidence that I will eventually produce a happy and healthy baby, who will hopefully have minimal time in the NICU unit.  So far, I have made it to 31 weeks and 4 days.  The first sacrifice of many, my body is no longer my own.  For now, its sole purpose is to shelter the little boy growing inside me so that he continues to remain in the healthiest incubator possible.


  1. Fantastic! Hang in there.
    The Kalmans

  2. Love the blog.
    Stay in there Baby Jordan. We know you will be fine and your baby will be perfect.
    Love, Alex and Brandon

  3. Sam, you are an amazing person and this baby a perfect creation thanks to you amazing cookiing and baking skills. Hang in there Chef!! You have all my hopes and prayers....let me know if you need anything. :0) hugs
    love, Katie

  4. Hi Human Incubator:

    It sounds like you've got a truly awesome husband and will soon have a wonderful family.

    I was hoping you could impart some wisdom to us single gals out here.

    For years I have hit the clubs at Seaside Heights looking for my perfect Italian Stallion. I just can't seem to find the right guy. I'm tired of gettin' my nails done, tanning, and lookin' hot for the men but not finding my true love.

    My fricken Camaro has all these problems and I cry ruining my makeup because I have no man there to fix stuff. No man to back me up when I get in fights wit people.

    It's like I max out my credit card at the Ed Hardy store for nuttin'. What's wit dis?

    Human Incubator help!!

    Gina from Down the Shore

    And P.S. For Chrissake please tell me your lyin' about the hair issues. How are you supposed to look good in your delivery pix when no one's there to do your extensions? Or tips for that matta.

  5. PSS How bout namin' the kid Rocco?

  6. Dear Gina Amy,

    First, immediately perform the following exercise: Carefully lift your expertly manicured fingernails and change the channel from MTV's the Jersey Shore. Please realize that if a man has abs as perfect as The Situation's he is most likely compensating for his microscopic manhood. Real men have little tummies and as well as little time to practice tanning and working out as an organized religion. Also, a woman's hair should never-I REPEAT NEVER-look like that character, Snooki. Personally, I would freak out every time I looked in the mirror and saw a dead rat on top of my head.

    My advice for you would be to find a hobby and work on developing your own sense of self before seeking out instant gratification and validation from men. Stop crying over your Camaro and trade in for a more practical car such as a Honda Civic. Instead of maxing out your credit card at the Ed Hardy store, open up a savings and invest your money towards your future, not another tight, trendy, graffiti filled outfit.

    Please stop constantly going out to the clubs, binge drinking and give your liver a break. Remember that the definition of insanity is performing the same activity over and over again and expecting different results. If you are going to party, enjoy drinking and dancing with the girls in moderation.

    I would also recommend trying out yoga, meditation, or walking on the beach. I apologize for stereotyping but it seems as though you Jersey-liscious gals don't take full advantage of the one reason the Jersey Shore is the Jersey Shore--the tranquility of the beach! So, trade in those hair extensions for a yoga mat, stop destroying your skin by exposing it to artificial UV rays, and wear sunscreen in natural light.

    When you become the confident, self-assured Garden-State-gal that you are, your Italian Stallion will inevitably enter the picture. And the best part is--he will be pursuing you--not the short skirt you wore to ladies-drink-free-night at the club.

    P.S. The name Rocco is adorable for a dog but any parent who names their child Rocco is asking for a lot of trouble, resentment, anger issues, etc when the kid becomes a teenager